The Nita

I run on caffeine. Predominantly in the form of diet pepsi.

I've been trying to drink "better for me" stuff lately.

There's only so much tea I can stand. Juice has too much sugar and is too sweet. Water is too damned boring after a very short bit of time, and I live in a world where too much of the stuff that goes in my mouth is tasteless as it is.

Ugh.

I need energy to get me through my day (don't tell me to get more sleep unless you want to be responsible for all of the jobs that I must do in a day for a week at least). Caffeine does that, at least enough for me to fake the rest on natural exuberance.

What I need to do and what I want to do to be better to myself seem to have a lot of damned conflict.

Good thing I'm good at conflict, I guess.

My neck shouldn't be popping this much every time I try to turn it.

Gr...

Evidently, my legs don't like dealing with the cleansers they use for the sheets (my best guess) in Vegas.

Either that or I've got eczema for no earthly reason there.

So - new spine, new abs, new skin, new eyes would be good. Yah - soon I think it's time for a trade in....

So apparently my right eye is dried out to the point where my own tears aren't enough. Hence the itchy/scratchy problem.

Apparently, this is a result of the solution to the pink eye - the stuff they use in most eye drops to preserve the drops is apparently toxic to the cornea. *headdesk* Really? No wonder the shit stings so badly.

I have fake tears, with no preservatives in them, for the next week to try to resolve the problem and allow my eye to heal.

At least when there's something wrong with me, it's vaguely entertaining?

As some of you know, I'm doing a fundraiser walk for cancer research this September. So on top of everything else I'm doing, starting the end of this month, I train for this.

4 times a week, according to my trainer. Between 6.5Km and 35.5km per walk.

I think about my current level of fitness (bahahaaha) and part of me goes "are you mental?"

But I'm working with a trainer - someone motivated & educated to help me. I've got clearance from my MD for this. I've put my chiro on notice about this (need to do that with the RMT). Still need to pick up the gear (walking shoes vs. casual shoes - difference in my feet will be huge).

Some of the big walk days happen at inconvenient times - I'll make them work.

So - I guess the long shot of this is "get ready to hear me ramble on (behind cuts, I promise) about my walk training."

(This is part of that "go big or go home" philosophy that is going to bite me in the ass one of these days, I'm sure of it....Rule 8, here I come.)

The fever's been broken for about 36 hours now.

My appetite's back, mostly - though I can't actually consume as much as I normally do.

There's some leftover distress to be dealt with, but I think I can officially say "I'm getting better"

Finally - and yes, I know, I'm a wuss

Still fevered.

Not likely going to Stomp tomorrow.

Correction - NOT going to Stomp tomorrow.

Need to put bullet in head

Correction - things *most* people who know me don't expect me to know about.

( So TMI it's not even funny, but I know you'll look anyway, so I'm not absorbing any blame here )

I think tonight I take my last remaining pussy cat to the vet. Unless the vet has some amazing insight, I suspect I'll be catless when I go to bed tonight.

She's nearly 18. I got her years ago from thespian (no, the icon isn't her...that's Beth, who died last summer). She's always been this little fluff ball in my life, loud, pushy, and usually having to make alliances with the other cats to avoid getting picked on.

Ever since Beth died,leaving her the sole cat, she's slowly started sliding down hill. I doubt she weighs more than 3 or 4 pounds now. She's mostly fur. She eats, but very very little. She drinks. She's using the bathroom, but I've noticed her back legs trembling every so often now when she walks. And the capper, for me, is that I keep finding her face down on the floor. She responds, unlike when Bing did the same thing, but ...

I don't want my cat to suffer.

I also don't want to take my cat in and ask them to kill her.

Sucky part of being a grown up, I guess. You get to make the decisions you don't want to do.

I don't know how long we will be able to survive cat-free.

Edit: I have always believed in euthanasia as opposed to "wait till it dies" for just about everything that lives if it's in pain - human or animal. It's why I'm going to do this. (I'm still asking the vet if there's anything we can do first though) It doesn't make the decision any less enormously sucky.

Truly, I never want to have to make this decision about my son - I could do it (I think), but I think it would break parts of me that might never mend.

The optho thinks that based on what I'm describing that yes, it's likely an ocular migraine. He's really glad to hear there's no pain or blackening of my peripheral vision.

He wants me to monitor it for the weekend and if it happens more, call him next week and he'll take a look. If it is an O.M., there's nothing he can really do (fortunately, no lasting damage, just annoyance level stuff).

If I get any blackening of my peripheral, I am to get to emerg immediately (as that's a sign that I have a detatched retina, apparently).

Monitor, and record. I can do that.