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Things people don't expect me to know about
Correction - things *most* people who know me don't expect me to know about.
I am a Queen of Vomit, and how to deal with it.
I've probably puked more than any two of you, even if you were serious hard time partiers. Pretty much, unless you've been in chemo, I suspect I've upchucked more than you. Period. Gods, I suspect I've barfed more than some of the kids I've known with bullemia. If you've been in chemo, you have my profound sympathies. If you've had bullemia, I sincerely hope you've gotten help.
I have a really annoyingly hair trigger stomach. Gratefully. I don't go through long periods of gut-wrenching nausea. Hell, the only time I've really done that was during my pregnancy (annoying as all get out when your standard techniques for dealing with something don't bloody work.
Here's the thing though. I know how to deal with a body when it has puked. Vomit happens, and then you have to restart the stomach. Rush it and you'll pay. Mostly through the mouth, nose, and if you're really unlucky? Other orifaces.
The more often you've puked before you attempt restart, the gentler you need to be, but even if it's just the once, really, really, really - you need to do it right, or you'll pay. You may not puke again (some people have stronger guts than I do), but you'll hurt. It just is.
For the good of he whom I love, who's being reminded that I know more about this than he does, whilst he serenedes our toilet again, here's the basic rules of thumb.
It's a really simple list. And if you follow it, and aren't pregnant and suffering from Mamma Nature's sick sense of humour, it works.
Things I've learned the hard way, so preferably no one else has to. But I'm married to an engineer, who must learn from first principles.
I am a Queen of Vomit, and how to deal with it.
I've probably puked more than any two of you, even if you were serious hard time partiers. Pretty much, unless you've been in chemo, I suspect I've upchucked more than you. Period. Gods, I suspect I've barfed more than some of the kids I've known with bullemia. If you've been in chemo, you have my profound sympathies. If you've had bullemia, I sincerely hope you've gotten help.
I have a really annoyingly hair trigger stomach. Gratefully. I don't go through long periods of gut-wrenching nausea. Hell, the only time I've really done that was during my pregnancy (annoying as all get out when your standard techniques for dealing with something don't bloody work.
Here's the thing though. I know how to deal with a body when it has puked. Vomit happens, and then you have to restart the stomach. Rush it and you'll pay. Mostly through the mouth, nose, and if you're really unlucky? Other orifaces.
The more often you've puked before you attempt restart, the gentler you need to be, but even if it's just the once, really, really, really - you need to do it right, or you'll pay. You may not puke again (some people have stronger guts than I do), but you'll hurt. It just is.
For the good of he whom I love, who's being reminded that I know more about this than he does, whilst he serenedes our toilet again, here's the basic rules of thumb.
- Hydrate - but just water, and preferably room temperature
- Don't assume you can eat everything you did before you upchucked - plain crackers, bananas, plain rice, apple sauce, and dry toast - that's it - until that stays down for at least half a day.
- Don't get jiggy. Period.
- Whatever you do - nothing extreme in your gullet - no fatty, no salty, no spicy, no thick.
It's a really simple list. And if you follow it, and aren't pregnant and suffering from Mamma Nature's sick sense of humour, it works.
Things I've learned the hard way, so preferably no one else has to. But I'm married to an engineer, who must learn from first principles.